The Daily Diary of a Winner Loser. December 24, 2020 Reflection. Christmas update!

Reflection of December 24, 2020. Christmas update!

I’m just a lurker (about ten years). But I feel deeply invested in your well-being and the success of you and your family. Post a blog, or a tweet, or something. Your mom’s coronavirus diagnosis is a scary thing and I’m almost too worried about you. – Chris in California

After faithfully reading your blog since the summer of 2010, I have been concerned about your recent absence. You once wrote about how if you ever decided to stop writing it probably wouldn’t be a good thing. You’ve written about getting more involved with your recovery, and that’s great, but as a reader here, it’s a mystery. You don’t owe me anything. Your writing has often inspired me and what you have shared has had a positive impact on me and my life. Thank you for that. Just a concerned reader here. I know you don’t know me, but after a decade of following you, I feel like I do. I miss you. I pray you are well. – Natalie in Alaska

I wrote to you four years ago. Your thoughtful letter helped me like you wouldn’t believe. I don’t know what’s going on but I sure miss reading your blog. I hope all is well. – John in New York

November 1st was your last blog post. Really?? I was sure I’d get a post around Thanksgiving, nope. I’m getting busy. But one thing, a paragraph, a few words. Are you done writing? If so, thanks for all you’ve shared over the years. I hope you haven’t finished. — Italy in Minnesota

I am beyond grateful for the many messages of love and support that have come my way. Thank you. I have been blessed with so much love, kindness, and care, and sometimes it’s hard to accept. Perhaps my reluctance is a reflection of the lack of love, kindness, and care I give myself. Don’t get me wrong, I give myself enough to make it through another day, and it really is a personal spiritual battle, isn’t it? I do my best not to take things personally, good or bad.

One of the things I’ve come to deeply relate to along the way is humility. When I write “I don’t understand this” you know what i mean right? My ego will outright kill me if I spend more time connecting with it instead of connecting with spiritual practices and the principles of my ongoing recovery. The answer, I believe, lies somewhere in a balance of humility and a healthy ego. Mike Tyson was once asked if he still worked out every day and he said no because “It activates my ego and it gets me in trouble.” I never expected to be in a relationship with Mike Tyson. but i understand it.

Rather than a long list of excuses as to why I have been absent from the pages of this blog, I would prefer to get straight to the heart of the matter. how my ego and self-will can quickly interrupt and send me on a trajectory away from the very evolution that promises to bring me better ways of life. If my self were driving, I would miss the exit every time. If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know that I’ve often written about how there’s so much more to this than physical transformation. I’m no longer a 500-pound man, and yes, I still live at a healthy weight, but really, the physical parts of this transformation are nowhere near the most important parts. Taking a daily break from the mania of food addiction/compulsive overeating, and the peace, calm and serenity that comes with that humble focus, is the pursuit, and it doesn’t start with my meal plan, it starts on my knees every morning. Physical transformation is simply a reflection of that work.

I promise to recommit to keeping this blog more up to date. I pray for guidance as I move forward using it as the accountability and support tool it was meant to be from day 1.

There’s a lot going on right now. We recently lost my dear Aunt Connie. It was unexpected heart problems that took him way too young. She was my mom’s aunt, even though she was two years younger than mom. She was my great aunt, my cousin Steve’s mother. Steve and I grew up together. Aunt Connie along with Aunt Margaret made regular visits before Covid. They would come and take mom to lunch and visit for a long time. Aunt Connie will be missed. I have to say that my cousin Steve’s quiet faith through it all really inspires me. I know one day that day will come for me.

My precious mother has Covid-19. When I received this news a week ago, I was overcome with a sick feeling. Given his breathing difficulties over the past few years, it seemed like the worst. It is also tragic that a few days before receiving the vaccine, and ten months later, he successfully avoided this unpleasant and mysterious disease. However, he miraculously does it. His oxygen saturation remains high, he has received a transfusion of antibody-infused plasma, and his worst symptom is a deep cough. The outpouring of prayers and support for Mom has been greatly appreciated and is making a huge positive difference. I share messages and prayers with her and it always lifts her spirits. I am grateful. Thank you.

In addition to the important behind-the-scenes recovery work in my life, I’ve been keeping my MyFitnessPal log and food accountability posts on Instagram. Those daily commitments remain constant.

Our holiday gatherings are much smaller, for obvious reasons, and that’s okay. This period we all live in will pass. There is hope. Thank you for reading. You are invited as I continue to write this blog that has given me so much over the last twelve years. I appreciate your support.

I hope you have a safe, warm and very merry Christmas.

Thanks for reading,


Some pictures from the last months…

This was a screenshot from a recent video interview
With mother from the Covid-19 ward. That smile says a lot.

Riding bikes and jumping on a trampoline with Noah. this transformation gives me two beautiful gifts.

Quality time with my youngest daughter Courtney. The two of us are very close, and that is also a precious gift for this daily recovery practice.

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