123 Days to Antarctica… “Pleasure and Pain” The Vinyls

About six minutes of reading time

“We gain strength, courage and confidence from every experience when we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do what we think we cannot.”

Eleanor Roosevelt


Hi, thanks for joining me again. I hope all is well with you and your week has been good.

I apologize for the late post. Forgot to upload even though it was written because I have so much.

On my way home the other day, I saw an Echidna ahead of me on the highway and it slowly wandered to the shoulder of the road. I prayed that he would get to safety. My heart soared as I watched it make it to safety. I hoped it left me feeling satisfied on the edge and enjoying the time while having a good meal. My instinct was that it was on the next stretch of freeway, with cars heading towards Sydney, and that was dangerous for this tiny, rare creature. I hoped it survived its journey. Meanwhile, I was happy that it was safe. A few hours later, on my way back, as I approached the Echidna crossing point, I prayed that the Echidna was not there. My heart sank when I saw her little body strewn all over the highway and I cried. If only someone cared for their little life and soul to slow down or gently swerve to let go, but they didn’t. I realized that I feel like that little Echidna right now. The gloomy, gloomy, dark and overcast sky did not help and reflected my inner landscape. It has been raining and cold all the time. Even though daylight saving time is only six weeks away, it feels like winter time again. Lately, dark and stormy sky and weather prevail again. I am waiting and longing for the brightness and warmth of the sun. I look forward to playing in the sun when this gloom and doom is all behind me and just a memory.

My current temptation is to give in to exhaustion and despair. I feel the flotsam and jetsam violently tossed across the wild, stormy and savage, open ocean. I don’t control the things that are most important to me at this point in my life, like when Shrody and I can go back home.

I felt so exhausted and it seemed like it would be a relief to lie down, close my eyes and not wake up. I am an extremely wounded and battle weary warrior waiting to rest from this nightmare. Frustration abounds as problems, delays and breaches of my contract continue to mount through wildfire reconstruction. Going home seems like a distant dream, and homelessness is a reality that I must avoid at all costs, especially since it is a very real threat that looms in my very near future. The worst part is that everything is out of my control. All this made me so sick. As the situation continues to worsen, it seems like my light is just flickering. I do, I hope the clouds move quickly. It’s all too much to bear.

“It’s a fine line between pleasure and pain,” as the Divinyls sing in this great Aussie rock song. I constantly vacillate on this line. The pain side currently seems to be pulling with more gravity. The Divinyls were also a great live band. The laws of physics and the universe dictate that one cannot exist without the other. There can be no pleasure in life without pain. The late great Chrissy Amphlett was an Australian music icon. Chrissy was the cousin of 1960s Australian music legend Little Patty. This song always comes to mind when I’m struggling not to get carried away by despair. My life has always been and is filled with so much pleasure and pain, even now. I love this song and it makes me feel better, it calms me down and reminds me of this initial balance and is a great energy boost that is always welcome in my life. I really hope you enjoy this great song. What I have learned about life is that there is no pleasure without pain. Pain is the price I’ve always paid for pleasure. There can be no pleasure without pain. These are the laws of the Universe and physics. This is the law of thermodynamics in action. Energy is neither created nor destroyed.

As for the construction of my house, the new Site Manager is trying to fix the problems and issues to his credit. Happily, my wildfire rebuild is finally starting to make progress, even if it is riddled with problems. The stress is still high and my bleeding heart is now spreading to my bleeding eye. It’s like I’ve been bitten by a vampire and I’m going into a vampire phase. Eating and sleeping are mostly memories because I can’t get to either comfortably or regularly. My blood sugar levels are erratic and high mostly as a direct result of stress. The progress on my house is the only positive and I am praying to be home by the end of December. Builders stop work in December until mid to late January, which spells disaster for me. Still, I take it one day, one step and one breath, not easy.

With gratitude, Shrody and I walk for about an hour a day, which fills us with joy. The fragrant air of spring is pleasing to our senses, as are the flowers and blossoms that abound everywhere. I push through my pain which is so worth it. We play and dance every day. Shrody makes me laugh every day. Shrody loves to go and be at home more than anything. He knows it’s different, but it’s home. This fills me with joy. We enjoy the company of our friends and Shrody talks to them even when he hears their voices on the phone. Finally, we are free from lockdowns, although we cannot travel outside our local government area (LGA), so travel to Regional New South Wales (NSW) and Sydney is not permitted. I am relieved that I have not actually had any serious side effects from the Pfizer shot. Being double-vaccinated fortunately means more freedoms. What a crazy time and world we live in.

International flights are planned to resume in November. Whether that means my trip to Antarctica will go ahead as planned, I don’t know. Now there is the added complication of when my wildfire recovery is complete and we can return home. I really hope and pray that these timelines don’t overlap, as that would be terribly problematic and potentially disastrous for me, resulting in a huge financial burden. I try to ignore this sense of foreboding and impending doom. Let’s hope everything will be fine. However, I will be so unprepared for my trip to Antarctica. I am overwhelmed every day with so much to do and not just wildfire reconstruction. Daily trips to my house to check on the construction because I have lost all faith in their ability to do their job and honor and fulfill the contract requirements does not help my schedule. There are simply not enough hours in the day. Training for Antarctica is uncertain, especially for the kayaking component, and that worries me. Regardless, I will complete my adventure as planned and hope I am strong enough to endure the harsh reality of my upcoming adventure. I still don’t have the right outfit for my trip. Time is of the essence and running out. I do what I can and leave the rest to the Universe and the Fates. However, I am excited about my trip and hope to get back home. Lately I’ve been thinking about so many trips I want to take, hopefully once a year. Securing finances will be important and with an uncertain future, it’s worth considering my options, as I always do. It’s not the first time I’ve faced uncertainty and a vulnerable future, but I hope it’s the last time.

I dry roast a T-Bone steak to enjoy with sautéed vegetables and mashed potatoes. I hope I can eat it, although I expect it might turn into two meals. Rump steak is my favorite, but I love a good T-Bone steak and wanted it for months before I could enjoy it. I enjoy my meat well done with no blood, but as this is often interpreted as charred and still bleeding, to avoid this I order it medium well done when I go out.

Please take care, be happy and healthy. Do one thing every day that scares you, and one thing every day that makes you happy, no matter how small. These do not depend on spending money. If you can’t think of anything right away, take some time to think about what these two things might be for you. Maybe enjoy some time in nature, spend time in person or on the phone with someone you like, listen to music, watch a movie, play with your animal friend. Most importantly have fun! Every day.

As always, I hope you leave Shrodi’s Mummy feeling a little better, happier than when you arrived. I hope my crazy journey of hardships, challenges, despair and triumphs helps you, inspires you on your own journey. So before anything click and remember your Goal(s). Please read my other posts and pages and I hope they help and inspire you as they have me and others. Please feel free to refer anyone you think could benefit from joining us here at Shrodi’s Mummy. I wish you a happy week and look forward to your company again soon. My goal is to continue posting every Sunday or as close as possible with pages on Wednesdays and Fridays.

For now.

Watch this space…

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